an unfortunate incident

this post is for my poor sister, marty.

every one has done something dumb while eating or drinking. here are some prime examples, i've done them, i've seen people do them... i'm sure you will be able to relate.

1. open a fresh can of sodie pop, bring towards mouth, tilt too much and pour it down the front of your shirt

2. set down fork/spoon while eating on lap at party, said fork/spoon spontaneously flips off of plate onto floor leaving a sweet spot which is usually a combo of some kind of pasta or potato salad and red jello. maybe some got on your pants too. when this happens, the host never has a dog.

3. carefully choose a lovely, plump, round, red cherry tomato. place in mouth, bite down in anticipation. lips were not closed, tomato goo ejects from tomato skin and lands obnoxiously on uncle's white sweater. (yes, yes i did that one)

4. receive third or fourth vodka and tonic with a twist of lime. nimbly grab glass, squeeze in lime, toss back a healthy gulp. lower glass from lips, proceed to laugh with friend, smile hugely with rosey cheeks and the confidence that only comes after the vodka starts to flow. lower glass even more, still smiling, set glass on the 30 degree ramp formed by the actual wetbar rail and the elbow rest, feel that glass is not on a flat surface, still smiling, laughing, glowing, release glass. ice, lime, tonic, and vodka everywhere. barkeep has one good eye, one glass eye, one good leg and one bum leg. he knows my friend. he cleans it up.

5. enter grandly into home of work associates. walk to center of table already filling with food. place giant crystal punch bowl in center of the table. warm day. cold punch will be good. start unloading sherbet, cold soda into punch bowl made to hold punch. warm day. even warmer inside a car with windows closed for 8 hours. punch bowl angrily gives in. green goo, punch ingredients, sugary nonsense cascades over the party. hosts drag braided rug outdoors to spray with hose.

anyway, i feel like everyone gets the picture.

so yesterday, marty's husband, we'll call him tone (because that's his name)made marty a little pyrex container of left-overs. inside at lunch time she found small pieces of turkey loaf, already cut for easy eating and a healthy portion of gravy. open lid, tilt to allow steam to escape, into microwave, close door, push buttons, wait, wait, wait. open microwave, reach for pyrex handles, begin removing, unknown force of nature.... drop whole thing on floor, self, foot (shoes were suede).

oh marty. so sorry you messed your shoes and every single piece of turkey fell on the floor. but now you have a funny story to tell, it sure made painty laugh a lot. hope your lunch was better today!!!